So.. I haven't written in a while. But now seems as good a time as any...
The last 8 months haven't been easy for me...but a lot of people have shit times.. Some things are being fixed, some are still open wounds...
But then..nothing in life ever comes easy..you have to fight for what you want..
A few months ago I made a really big mistake.. I've made a lot of them lately in all honesty. Sometimes you can't fix the mistakes you make...but sometime's you can. And if you can, fix them, change it...
Moving on to a different topic that I need to talk about..
I recently lost someone that means the world to me..and I don't know when I'm going to see him again and I don't know if he's going to be here when I have my surgery done..but I want him there, I need him there..He's happy now and I don't want to get in the way of that..but I miss him so much..I really miss him..I'd give almost anything for him to be here, and give me a hug and tell me everything's okay.
I talk to him some times, but sometimes a phone just isn't good enough.. I need him..I really do..
He would never lie to me, and he told me the other day that my self hatred was unjustified...but why is it?
I'm not good enough. I know that. Everyone else knows that. I don't even think I'm good enough for myself any more....And that makes it just a little bit hard to look in the mirror every morning....just a bit...
One day I'll read all these blogs and stupid entries and laugh and realise how much of a little girl I'm being..But right now...I don't care..I just want to be sure that all the effort I'm putting into my life is justifiably worth it...Is it enough?
<3
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