?

Why do I miss you this much?

....

This doesn't deserve a title...

Today...today was okay. I got told by a lovely lady this morning that I looked good, got a free morning coffee, and had fun with one of the best girls I know!

But then...Then I started using my phone again.. After a few phone calls and some texts I realised that...To some people I don't matter as much as I used to. Because there's someone else who matters more..There was a time when me and this person were...we were best friends. Like he was my only friend who was always there to tell me everything was okay. And now, not so much. Sure he texts back, and he phones, but that just isn't enough right now. I really need this guy!
And then there's the other thing. Where I'm just not good enough, and I know there will be someone better. There always is.. Because I'll only ever be the little girl with eyeliner, nothing more.  I'll never be the attractive girl that everyone looks at, the cute girl in the corner of the room.
I don't really know what to say,  but right now...I do know I'm not good enough for anyone, I don't matter enough. And I never will...

......

Vanity...

Have you ever got that feeling that what you're thinking is beyond stupid? 
Lately I haven't felt..great. I've been pretty icky, but on top of that I haven't looked great. Before you get to thinking that I'm completely superficial, and shallow... I've always had issues with myself... always. But I looked at myself in the mirror today and I honestly looked crap, like zombie crap. But on top of that I'm fat! :( I've put on weight when I meant to lose it and now I don't have a completely flat stomach any more. I don't understand why but that just made me feel worse. There could be a number of reasons for this - not being well, bloating and water. But I don't think it is any of them.. 
It's sounds really bad, but I can't help it.. I don't want to put on weight. I really don't. Even if it is just a little. I'd put on the weight I needed to in order for the nurse to stop nagging me, but that was it.. And now on top of feeling super sick, I feel disgusting too... "/ 
And to put the icing on the metaphorical cake not only am I slightly scared for next friday, but there's also someone I miss a lot. Well two people. I'd almost, maybe give anything just to get a hug from either of them. I miss them a lot, maybe too much. 
I really need at least one of them right now.. 
But I know that's kind of impossible.. "/ 
Sorry for the rant, but it's been the worst few days.. It really has.. 

:( 

hmmm.

So today, this guy that I met three days ago, asked me out... Weird.
one reason for it being weird is that I only met him three days ago! I barely know him!!
and another is that I'm seeing someone, and I'm quite happy with what I have with him. This doesn't mean I'm in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that I want a relationship with a guy I've only just met! :O wow.

 I'm happy with life at the moment and I'm happy with what I have...

I don't really know what I'm saying or how to get it make sense, but I'm happy seeing this guy (who I have previously bloggeed about)  and I don't want a relationship with a guy I don't know! GAH! D:

<3

This doesn't really require a title...

So I have this friend, she's always been so lovely and adorable, but I'd love for her to come to this gig with me and some others on Saturday, but she won't because she's scared. I've tried to convince her that she'll be fine and I'll look after her, but she doesn't believe me, and she's still scared. I'm not trying to pressure her into going, but I think it would be fun, and would be a good experience for her. But the question is, how do I convince her to go? D:

I'd love her to come with us... 

<3 

Just one of those days...

I woke up this morning looking like a complete zombie..
For some weird reason I ached all over, had the mother of all headaches and I seem to have a horrible cold.
And to top that off it was just a rubbish day in general; I seem to be worrying over nothing as well...like I as shaking all day, for no reason - nervous shaking. I ended up shouting at a good friend today, and it wasn't even her fault.. I was just annoyed at the world, and I took it out on her.. bad idea. So, if you read this babycakes I'm very sorry! and I loves you! <3 <3 <3

One of those moments...

Sometimes in this life there are moments that just make you laugh.. Some of these moments are extremely awkward and horrible times to laugh..But it's needed and you can't help it. See in these situations the person you're talking too is actually 100% serious...but it's just too funny to hold it in .
I had one of those moments today. I got this message from a friend that I haven't actually spoken to in a while. Now, this situation requires a little bit of explanation, I once thought this guy was so amazing, I thought he was my best ever friend, and that no matter what happened, he'd be there. But no. Clearly I as wrong. Now as a best friend I made the rather stupid assumption that he would always be there, that if I made a decision to do something that I enjoyed and made me happy, he'd just support me, and be there for me. but no.
He wanted to know something, and in all honesty I don't see why he should be bothered, his exact words were "I don't care". So I assumed he'd still be there. So I told him. WOW! he massively lost it over it, and decided we are no longer friends.
Now he sent me a message saying he cares, he really cares about me. But if he really cared, he'd understand, he'd be there. He'd be the friend I thought he was.

I think the message here is, don't go on first impressions, sometimes they aren't always right. But then sometimes they are, I try to go on my second meeting...
I miss this guy, but until he grows up...I don't really want to go through more hurt with him.. no thanks....