This doesn't really require a title...

So I have this friend, she's always been so lovely and adorable, but I'd love for her to come to this gig with me and some others on Saturday, but she won't because she's scared. I've tried to convince her that she'll be fine and I'll look after her, but she doesn't believe me, and she's still scared. I'm not trying to pressure her into going, but I think it would be fun, and would be a good experience for her. But the question is, how do I convince her to go? D:

I'd love her to come with us... 

<3 

Just one of those days...

I woke up this morning looking like a complete zombie..
For some weird reason I ached all over, had the mother of all headaches and I seem to have a horrible cold.
And to top that off it was just a rubbish day in general; I seem to be worrying over nothing as well...like I as shaking all day, for no reason - nervous shaking. I ended up shouting at a good friend today, and it wasn't even her fault.. I was just annoyed at the world, and I took it out on her.. bad idea. So, if you read this babycakes I'm very sorry! and I loves you! <3 <3 <3

One of those moments...

Sometimes in this life there are moments that just make you laugh.. Some of these moments are extremely awkward and horrible times to laugh..But it's needed and you can't help it. See in these situations the person you're talking too is actually 100% serious...but it's just too funny to hold it in .
I had one of those moments today. I got this message from a friend that I haven't actually spoken to in a while. Now, this situation requires a little bit of explanation, I once thought this guy was so amazing, I thought he was my best ever friend, and that no matter what happened, he'd be there. But no. Clearly I as wrong. Now as a best friend I made the rather stupid assumption that he would always be there, that if I made a decision to do something that I enjoyed and made me happy, he'd just support me, and be there for me. but no.
He wanted to know something, and in all honesty I don't see why he should be bothered, his exact words were "I don't care". So I assumed he'd still be there. So I told him. WOW! he massively lost it over it, and decided we are no longer friends.
Now he sent me a message saying he cares, he really cares about me. But if he really cared, he'd understand, he'd be there. He'd be the friend I thought he was.

I think the message here is, don't go on first impressions, sometimes they aren't always right. But then sometimes they are, I try to go on my second meeting...
I miss this guy, but until he grows up...I don't really want to go through more hurt with him.. no thanks....

Enjoy it while you can...

This is my second blog of the day, but hey, I'm enjoy it at the moment. And  I haven't blogged properly in a while.
So! This weekend I saw my non-biological sister! I haven't seen her in so long, and I've really missed her. So when she turned up yesterday...WOW. It was amazing to talk and gossip and catch up; and have those amazing girly chats.... I love this woman! :P
She agreed with me about what I've said in the previous blog...

But anyway...I've been thinking since I got home, and I've come to the conclusion that in the grand scheme of things there is always some one better. There always will be. And if  one was to look at things in this way, any human life is insignificant in the grand scheme. But we, as people, think about things, care about things and develop feelings for one another interpersonally, that in itself makes everything significant. Even the things, that we maybe don't want to acknowledge or believe in.  As I sit here, writing this, knowing no-one reads it and watching 102 dalmatians, I can see how good life is. how nice it is to just sit and relax...How good it is, to just not think and keep a good mood. I woke up this morning with a smile on my face, and that smile hasn't left..Although I have the weirdest feeling that around 10 tonight..the smile will fade and I'll go back to listening to the same thing over and over again.. But for now..enjoy the smile..From now on..I'm going to savour every single smile, every single laugh...Life is only as good as you make it..I plan on making the most of it...

I think I'm going to stop now...I'm in need of tea and chocolate! ^_^ <3

Thing's you'll never say...

hi...
Do you ever get that feeling that you need to tell someone something...you need to tell them what thoughts are circling around and around in your head because it's about them..But you just can't...you can't. Because if you do..you ruin everything... Everything sucks. And the few things in life that make you wake up and smile..they vanish. They just go.
I have that feeling right now. There's so much in my head that I want...need to tell someone, but I can't. It wouldn't be worth ruining everything we share at the moment. We have fun, and we enjoy what we have. But I really like this guy. I really do. But I can't tell him how much he actually means to me, he's such a good friend to have, .I can't ruin this. I'm just trying to enjoy it and enjoy this moment, enjoy what we have. I'm not going to put "all my eggs in one basket"...and I know this may not work.. it probably won't but is it so wrong for me to think of what it would be like if it did?
I'd really like it too... And I can't explain why but I miss him like mad! It's insane.
I know that right now I must sound like an infatuated little girl..And I wouldn't blame you for thinking so..
But he is a really really nice guy. He's gorgeous, inside and out. When I'm with him I just feel...happy..I feel...attractive for once, I wake up and I don't feel massively gross...

I just don't know what to tell him.. I want to tell him all these things...but I can't...I just can't ....

<3

Little Things...

So.. I haven't written in a while. But now seems as good a time as any...
The last 8 months haven't been easy for me...but a lot of people have shit times.. Some things are being fixed, some are still open wounds...
But then..nothing in life ever comes easy..you have to fight for what you want..
A few months ago I made a really big mistake.. I've made a lot of them lately in all honesty. Sometimes you can't fix the mistakes you make...but sometime's you can. And if you can, fix them, change it...

Moving on to a different topic that I need to talk about..
I recently lost someone that means the world to me..and I don't know when I'm going to see him again and I don't know if he's going to be here when I have my surgery done..but I want him there, I need him there..He's happy now and I don't want to get in the way of that..but I miss him so much..I really miss him..I'd give almost anything for him to be here, and give me a hug and tell me everything's okay.
I talk to him some times, but sometimes a phone just isn't good enough.. I need him..I really do..
He would never lie to me, and he told me the other day that my self hatred was unjustified...but why is it?
I'm not good enough. I know that. Everyone else knows that. I don't even think I'm good enough for myself any more....And that makes it just a little bit hard to look in the mirror every morning....just a bit...
One day I'll read all these blogs and stupid entries and laugh and realise how much of a little girl I'm being..But right now...I don't care..I just want to be sure that all the effort I'm putting into my life is justifiably worth it...Is it enough?

<3

Just need to say this...

Okay, so to put it blunty I'm fed up..
Fed up of being told when I can't and can't see people or say things. I'm fed up of doing the wrong thing all the time.. Genuinely feels like I can't do anything right...
I try my hardest and no-one seems to care.. Well not the people that should anyway... there are a few exceptions but there;'s one specific person that should, and they don't..

No-one seemed to care that I sat at the bus stop and just burst into tears for no reason.. or the fact that I wasn't in a good mood.. or that I was 'grumpy'. In all honesty I'm just fed up, and I've had enough.
I'm fed up of everything being my fault.... I always get the blame for everything, even if I haven't done or said anything...
Why? Why is it always my fault? just because I'm not a pretty little girl in pink? Well sorry but pink isn't my colour and what I wear shouldn't be a judge of character.. I can't help that I don't like fitting in or blending with the crowd.. I can't..

There are only a few people on this planet that make me happy, and I really want to see one of them, because even though there is no reason to I miss him, I miss him a lot.. And in all honesty I just really want him to hug me and do what he always does... make me smile.. and make me laugh, but no. not tonight..

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.. how am I supposed to fix myself...I'm actually crying whilst writing this for no reason... its so frustrating not knowing why!!

I've had enough of always being the problem...