things are looking up :)

So next week I'm in Southhamptom on Tuesday and off college on Friday :) Going to be a relaxing week :) Oh yeah, and I'm going to Nailsea on Saturday XD Can't wait!!

so..next year is sorted!! YAY! I'm hopefully going to see Panic at the disco in January, then Reading Fest an Henley Rewind Fest XD might even see Evanescence :) I'm so excited for next year!!

Anyway..moving on.. I finally finished all my college work. and Lately I'm feeling alot better :)
That might bee because according to the doctors scales I've lost 4.5kilos in the 3 weeks! I feel quite proud of myself XD
The thing about it though, is that I've actually started eating more and regularly, so I'm no longer starving myself an I'm losing weight..WEIRD!

There isn't much to say so I'll end it there..<3

Weird Day...

I went shopping in Mansfield today. I was told that I wouldn't stand out... yeah right LOL.
But then, if I wasn't stared out and I didn't stick out, I would have felt weird.. So it was a normal shopping day really.
The only difference was  that I didn't buy clothes, I bought books and jewellery; haven't done that in a while...

However the only slight issue of the day, was a semi-weird conversation, to which during it I resorted to my ultimate tactic of twiddling or fiddling with the first available thing - a straw. Yeah...the straw was useless afterwards...
And I also spent the entire day shaking and trying wake up my constantly dead leg that weighed a bloody tonne.
The problem was..I wasn't cold. At all.. weird right?

Anyway, I'm still shaking...and can't seem to stop.. I was constantly shaking on the Judo mat today, and my annoying dead leg caused me to fall over too many times after each technique..or prevented me from actually getting off the floor. fun right?
So I'm in Nottingham until Thursday, then in Bristol next weekend. and I honestly can't wait.. :) I don't like most the people in Reading, except the select few that go to college :D And I've always believed that it's the people that make the place...not the other way around :)

<3

Feeling Better...

so, I feel better than I did.I don't why, it may have something to do with a weekend with friends and having a good time, and now being in Nottingham with a good friend and seeing two very cool people smile.

But, I've been thinking, and I've decided that I'm so not this guys type, and no matter what I do, he probably wont be interested in me. So I've decided I shall admire him from a distance. It's okay, and I don't mind, I've resigned myself to being un-datable. so it's fine.
I mean if it ever happened and it turned out he was interested, sure, that would be good. But if he isn't and it never happens, I'm fine with that too. I don't mind. It's not the end of the world and I'll get over it.

Anyway, moving on, Saturday night was amazing!!
I had so much fun, watching drunk people dancing and a certain someone practically eating a rubber glove. LOL.

But yeah, the past few have been much better. And I haven't felt the need to randomly burst into hysterics and cry. so yeah. Its good :)

I feel much better <3

free time....

So i'm now officially on half term, and had a super bust day today shopping for tomorrow...i bought party rings...'cause they're nommy!!

Anyway the next week is shaping up to be a good one. having some friends over tomorrow, a relaxing day sunday, them monday the fun really begins.
So i'm going out for a little bit to do some more shopping, then I'm travelling all the way up to nottingham so stay with a friend for a while. Going to be lots of fun, because i know a certain someone will cheer up alot. and i mean alot...hell he might even smile.

Then when i get back i'm going to have a humongous pile of college work to do..but hey, i'll have a few days..
and then its halloween. one of my most favourite holidays...i dont know why its my favourite..but it just is..
Any way the first weekend of november, i finally get to go and see one of the most amazing people in my life.. and i sooooooo cant wait... he truly is a lovely guy!
GAH! the next couple of weeks are going to be soo amazing!!

Although, when i have free time and i'm on my own..i never know what to with myself...i get so bored and irritated..
So i'm glad i wont be alone. <3

Nothing...

So..I spent today curled up on my sofa with a blanket. All because my body has decided to become attracted to germs that make you feel rubbish! Mean right?
And also because I'm still wallowing in sefl-pity.
Yes I know that if this guy isnt interested it isnt the end of the world.. But I'd like it if he was..
From what I've heard he is a lovely guy.. like really nice..and shy. Which works for me.. Shy can be good.
But for once it would be nice if it wasnt just the arse holes that are attracted or interested in me..
I mean they've all been good, really nice guys..and then once that excitement of dating dies down and you start to get too relaxed in the relationship, they change, well most of them, like 9/10 (as a statistic) have..

So this guys friend has said he's shy and sometimes does stupid things, but apparently he's a lovely guy. Like a super lovely guy. How nice would it be if for once, just once I could attract the attention of a nice guy.. and actually enjoy a realtionship with shared effort.
So my pathetic self pity and plain emotional down-ness is still here. It is still yet to leave...
I wish it would...I hate that constant feeling of tears brimming in the corners of my eyes.

<3

Long overdue

Tonight...I cried...like really cried...again..

For a while now I've been feeling kind of low and there's nothing that I could do.. Wednesday I walked to meet my mum..and on my way I just started crying, for no reason...just randomly started crying walking down that road..and I couldn't stop..and tonight it happened again.
I have no idea why..
I started crying in the car.. and I haven't stopped...
It's long overdue and I think this is what I need...I just hope it helps, and I hope I feel better in the morning.... <3

What to say...

I haven't written for a few days because I felt like total crap! Like major rubbish! Still not much better, but I wanted to write...

So..basically I'm confused!
One of my most amazing friends has a friend who knows the guy I've now got my eye on.. And she's going to introduce me, so at least I have a starting point a maybe a chance of getting to know this guy... But thing is...I have this fear...well not really a fear, more of a totally insane worry..
I'm scared that..well that he wont be interested in the slightest, or that he'll just..ignore me completely.. like.. I  have this fear that no-one will ever be interested (unless they're completely INSANE!)

My friend..my most outstanding friend came down to see me last weekend, and he asked "Are you still single?" So I replied "yes." and he was soo confused, he didn't understand how I could be single..he just kept say "Why the hell are you still single?!?!" that's the thing though... I cant see why anyone would be interested in me, and no one is..I'm not good looking enough, and I'm not your average teenage girl...
People have told me I'm pretty, but I cant see how? I don't understand why I am? what is it about me that makes people tell me that...even though it's not true?
I know this sounds super pathetic! and 9 times out of ten, whenever a girl is complimented they sit there and say "Oh no I'm not..." but a lot of them do it for the extra compliments and attention. But I'm serious.. obviously I cant see what the few other people can. And I really don't believe I'm good looking in the slightest..
I'm just not..

So this brings me back to the beginning, what if he just doesn't want to know who I am... and even if we are introduced to each other...what would I say? what could I say?
<3