Summer..
Isn't that a time when you go out and lay in the sun? When you see your friends and enjoy yourself...It's not a time to be spent at home missing people.
This knee thing might be worth it in the end..but right now I think I'd of preferred to have just left it to dislocate. I've barely seen anyone. Only two of my friends bothered to come over and see me. They all said they would and they would talk to me... but they haven't. I expected a specific friend to at least talk to me. But no luck there, they're busy having their own summer, and to be perfectly honest I don't blame them. But it would be nice to at least be spoken to. Even it was just a short hello.
This sounds so tragic. Talk about self pity. But it just kind of made me realise who out of my "friends" actually care about me. It just sucks that I can't really do anything or go out and see people. I really miss people.. I really do.
But oh well.. At least I got almost all of my work done, and done well.. I don't care about bragging. Sometimes I actually feel like a genius! :P
<3
Thursday 16 August 2012
Monday 23 July 2012
Another Rant...
I'll apologise in advance for the rant that's about to follow..
It's just that I don't want to tell anyone this because they al think I'm dealing with everything so well... Whenin actual fact I'm not.
Fair enough if any of the non-existent people that read this (no-one reads it) thinks I'm just a whiny little girl. Because I guess that's just what I am.
But anyway, I'm fed up of having to sit on my butt most the time, I'm fed up of the damn pain and I'm fed up of everyone else having to do things. It's not fair on them. IT's not their fault I can't carry a cup of goddamn tea back from the kitchen. I can't even get my on sandwhich. I feel like an invalid.. and it sucks..
Right now I could seriously use a hug but I'm not getting one of them anytime soon. Some one that means a lot to me couldn't even call me earlier even though said person had previously said they would...
I have a lot of homework to do, that I can't seem to focus on due to the pain in my leg...and I Just feel so stupid. I can't even walk on my own..
And to top that off I had to spend more time in the hospital. I slipped while I was out with my nan, and on the tiles at home, then my ankle swelled up and went bright purple so I had to get an x-ray. I seriously hate hospitals...
I just wish I could cheer up.. normally there's one person who always manages to make me smile. But I'm scared I've screwed that up... So that's a no too.
I've helped my friends through so much, and one of them spoke to me and didn't even bother to ask if I was okay...I know the world doesn't revolve around me, I don't matter all that much, but it isn't hard to ask someone how they are.
I'd really like to see some people, and go out and just talk... But that's not going to happen anytime soon..
I just feel so rubbish about everything...
</3
It's just that I don't want to tell anyone this because they al think I'm dealing with everything so well... Whenin actual fact I'm not.
Fair enough if any of the non-existent people that read this (no-one reads it) thinks I'm just a whiny little girl. Because I guess that's just what I am.
But anyway, I'm fed up of having to sit on my butt most the time, I'm fed up of the damn pain and I'm fed up of everyone else having to do things. It's not fair on them. IT's not their fault I can't carry a cup of goddamn tea back from the kitchen. I can't even get my on sandwhich. I feel like an invalid.. and it sucks..
Right now I could seriously use a hug but I'm not getting one of them anytime soon. Some one that means a lot to me couldn't even call me earlier even though said person had previously said they would...
I have a lot of homework to do, that I can't seem to focus on due to the pain in my leg...and I Just feel so stupid. I can't even walk on my own..
And to top that off I had to spend more time in the hospital. I slipped while I was out with my nan, and on the tiles at home, then my ankle swelled up and went bright purple so I had to get an x-ray. I seriously hate hospitals...
I just wish I could cheer up.. normally there's one person who always manages to make me smile. But I'm scared I've screwed that up... So that's a no too.
I've helped my friends through so much, and one of them spoke to me and didn't even bother to ask if I was okay...I know the world doesn't revolve around me, I don't matter all that much, but it isn't hard to ask someone how they are.
I'd really like to see some people, and go out and just talk... But that's not going to happen anytime soon..
I just feel so rubbish about everything...
</3
Monday 16 July 2012
Big Ouch..
After being at the hospital for 6.30 am and being delayed all day, with out food and not being able to drink after 11am. I finally had my reconstruction done on my knee. It was only supposed to take about..2 hours. But it took 3 because apparently there was a lot more damage than first expected. And there were a few complications during surgery....such as not being able to ventilate me properly for a while, and they couldn't stop the bleeding as easily as they wanted too. Oh and my blood pressure as too low. Basically it went well and I'm home now. But it wasn't easy..
I woke up in recovery and the lovely nurse put my tongue bar back in for me, but then I started crying hysterically, who wouldn't. I didn't know where I was, what had happened or how I got there.
Anyway, I was put on a morphine drip and some fluids, because they were really worried about my blood pressure and stuff.. I couldn't sleep either. I kept waking up for no reason.
I don't blame my family for laughing at me either. I must have been really stupid when I woke up. I was still really ditzy from the anaesthetic and the damn morphine. I was stupid...
The Friday night sucked. everytime I fell asleep I was woken up by the nurse so she could check everything was okay, and saturday morning sucked too. I was officially discharged at 12 after proving that I was fully capable and proving that I didn't need help. When in actual fact I can't walk with my crutches and carry a cup of tea at the same time. It's pants. But I manage. Anyway, I was discharged and told that I could leave, then told that I had to wait for a bunch of medication and wait for a damn x-ray.
Right now I feel super sick and dizzy, But I'm putting that down to the mass amount of pain killers I have to take every four hours...
I tried going down to the doctors today, to get the dressing under my knee brace changed (as instructed) but I couldn't even make it half way down the road..I started feeling like I was going to vomit, and there was just too much pressure on it, and so I'm going back to the doctors tomorrow.
I never thought it would hurt this much.And people are making such a fuss. It's like I'm an invalid and can't do a damn thing by my self. I can't do a lot. But I'm not totally incapable. The only thing I really don't like is my purple ankle, that's roughly the size of a small melon, or massively mutant golf ball.
There were a few people I would have loved to see saturday morning when I woke up, and see there smiles, so that I knew it wasn't all disastrous. But they weren't there. So oh well. I'll just have to deal with that one.
Any way, feeling disgustingly sick. So tablets and bed time for me. bye bye!!
I woke up in recovery and the lovely nurse put my tongue bar back in for me, but then I started crying hysterically, who wouldn't. I didn't know where I was, what had happened or how I got there.
Anyway, I was put on a morphine drip and some fluids, because they were really worried about my blood pressure and stuff.. I couldn't sleep either. I kept waking up for no reason.
I don't blame my family for laughing at me either. I must have been really stupid when I woke up. I was still really ditzy from the anaesthetic and the damn morphine. I was stupid...
The Friday night sucked. everytime I fell asleep I was woken up by the nurse so she could check everything was okay, and saturday morning sucked too. I was officially discharged at 12 after proving that I was fully capable and proving that I didn't need help. When in actual fact I can't walk with my crutches and carry a cup of tea at the same time. It's pants. But I manage. Anyway, I was discharged and told that I could leave, then told that I had to wait for a bunch of medication and wait for a damn x-ray.
Right now I feel super sick and dizzy, But I'm putting that down to the mass amount of pain killers I have to take every four hours...
I tried going down to the doctors today, to get the dressing under my knee brace changed (as instructed) but I couldn't even make it half way down the road..I started feeling like I was going to vomit, and there was just too much pressure on it, and so I'm going back to the doctors tomorrow.
I never thought it would hurt this much.And people are making such a fuss. It's like I'm an invalid and can't do a damn thing by my self. I can't do a lot. But I'm not totally incapable. The only thing I really don't like is my purple ankle, that's roughly the size of a small melon, or massively mutant golf ball.
There were a few people I would have loved to see saturday morning when I woke up, and see there smiles, so that I knew it wasn't all disastrous. But they weren't there. So oh well. I'll just have to deal with that one.
Any way, feeling disgustingly sick. So tablets and bed time for me. bye bye!!
Sunday 8 July 2012
Silly little things...
I had such a good day today with my baby Charlotte! She's so amazing! I did her hair and we just chilled with some party rings, and pop corn and some good movies. It was just so good.
But there was a tiny voice in my head telling me I was a massive douche. I really do think I've messed things up.. I'm not going to explain it but I really do think I've messed things up. And I feel terrible about it, I never meant to mess it up and I was actually happy. But I do think I've messed it up and I don't know what to do about it...
But hey, that's just life I guess...
Any way... Today's been good :) <3
But there was a tiny voice in my head telling me I was a massive douche. I really do think I've messed things up.. I'm not going to explain it but I really do think I've messed things up. And I feel terrible about it, I never meant to mess it up and I was actually happy. But I do think I've messed it up and I don't know what to do about it...
But hey, that's just life I guess...
Any way... Today's been good :) <3
Saturday 7 July 2012
Feeling a little selfish...
I've realised how much I use this blog to rant about stupid things that don't actually matter much to the general population. and I'd like to say sorry for that. Any one that reads this doesn't need to hear any of this or read it for that matter..
So any way. Sorry...
So any way. Sorry...
Friday 6 July 2012
This doesn't deserve a title...
Today...today was okay. I got told by a lovely lady this morning that I looked good, got a free morning coffee, and had fun with one of the best girls I know!
But then...Then I started using my phone again.. After a few phone calls and some texts I realised that...To some people I don't matter as much as I used to. Because there's someone else who matters more..There was a time when me and this person were...we were best friends. Like he was my only friend who was always there to tell me everything was okay. And now, not so much. Sure he texts back, and he phones, but that just isn't enough right now. I really need this guy!
And then there's the other thing. Where I'm just not good enough, and I know there will be someone better. There always is.. Because I'll only ever be the little girl with eyeliner, nothing more. I'll never be the attractive girl that everyone looks at, the cute girl in the corner of the room.
I don't really know what to say, but right now...I do know I'm not good enough for anyone, I don't matter enough. And I never will...
......
But then...Then I started using my phone again.. After a few phone calls and some texts I realised that...To some people I don't matter as much as I used to. Because there's someone else who matters more..There was a time when me and this person were...we were best friends. Like he was my only friend who was always there to tell me everything was okay. And now, not so much. Sure he texts back, and he phones, but that just isn't enough right now. I really need this guy!
And then there's the other thing. Where I'm just not good enough, and I know there will be someone better. There always is.. Because I'll only ever be the little girl with eyeliner, nothing more. I'll never be the attractive girl that everyone looks at, the cute girl in the corner of the room.
I don't really know what to say, but right now...I do know I'm not good enough for anyone, I don't matter enough. And I never will...
......
Thursday 5 July 2012
Vanity...
Have you ever got that feeling that what you're thinking is beyond stupid? Lately I haven't felt..great. I've been pretty icky, but on top of that I haven't looked great. Before you get to thinking that I'm completely superficial, and shallow... I've always had issues with myself... always. But I looked at myself in the mirror today and I honestly looked crap, like zombie crap. But on top of that I'm fat! :( I've put on weight when I meant to lose it and now I don't have a completely flat stomach any more. I don't understand why but that just made me feel worse. There could be a number of reasons for this - not being well, bloating and water. But I don't think it is any of them.. It's sounds really bad, but I can't help it.. I don't want to put on weight. I really don't. Even if it is just a little. I'd put on the weight I needed to in order for the nurse to stop nagging me, but that was it.. And now on top of feeling super sick, I feel disgusting too... "/ And to put the icing on the metaphorical cake not only am I slightly scared for next friday, but there's also someone I miss a lot. Well two people. I'd almost, maybe give anything just to get a hug from either of them. I miss them a lot, maybe too much. I really need at least one of them right now.. But I know that's kind of impossible.. "/ Sorry for the rant, but it's been the worst few days.. It really has.. :(
Friday 29 June 2012
hmmm.
So today, this guy that I met three days ago, asked me out... Weird.
one reason for it being weird is that I only met him three days ago! I barely know him!!
and another is that I'm seeing someone, and I'm quite happy with what I have with him. This doesn't mean I'm in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that I want a relationship with a guy I've only just met! :O wow.
I'm happy with life at the moment and I'm happy with what I have...
I don't really know what I'm saying or how to get it make sense, but I'm happy seeing this guy (who I have previously bloggeed about) and I don't want a relationship with a guy I don't know! GAH! D:
<3
one reason for it being weird is that I only met him three days ago! I barely know him!!
and another is that I'm seeing someone, and I'm quite happy with what I have with him. This doesn't mean I'm in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that I want a relationship with a guy I've only just met! :O wow.
I'm happy with life at the moment and I'm happy with what I have...
I don't really know what I'm saying or how to get it make sense, but I'm happy seeing this guy (who I have previously bloggeed about) and I don't want a relationship with a guy I don't know! GAH! D:
<3
Wednesday 27 June 2012
This doesn't really require a title...
So I have this friend, she's always been so lovely and adorable, but I'd love for her to come to this gig with me and some others on Saturday, but she won't because she's scared. I've tried to convince her that she'll be fine and I'll look after her, but she doesn't believe me, and she's still scared. I'm not trying to pressure her into going, but I think it would be fun, and would be a good experience for her. But the question is, how do I convince her to go? D:
I'd love her to come with us...
<3
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Just one of those days...
I woke up this morning looking like a complete zombie..
For some weird reason I ached all over, had the mother of all headaches and I seem to have a horrible cold.
And to top that off it was just a rubbish day in general; I seem to be worrying over nothing as well...like I as shaking all day, for no reason - nervous shaking. I ended up shouting at a good friend today, and it wasn't even her fault.. I was just annoyed at the world, and I took it out on her.. bad idea. So, if you read this babycakes I'm very sorry! and I loves you! <3 <3 <3
For some weird reason I ached all over, had the mother of all headaches and I seem to have a horrible cold.
And to top that off it was just a rubbish day in general; I seem to be worrying over nothing as well...like I as shaking all day, for no reason - nervous shaking. I ended up shouting at a good friend today, and it wasn't even her fault.. I was just annoyed at the world, and I took it out on her.. bad idea. So, if you read this babycakes I'm very sorry! and I loves you! <3 <3 <3
Monday 25 June 2012
One of those moments...
Sometimes in this life there are moments that just make you laugh.. Some of these moments are extremely awkward and horrible times to laugh..But it's needed and you can't help it. See in these situations the person you're talking too is actually 100% serious...but it's just too funny to hold it in .
I had one of those moments today. I got this message from a friend that I haven't actually spoken to in a while. Now, this situation requires a little bit of explanation, I once thought this guy was so amazing, I thought he was my best ever friend, and that no matter what happened, he'd be there. But no. Clearly I as wrong. Now as a best friend I made the rather stupid assumption that he would always be there, that if I made a decision to do something that I enjoyed and made me happy, he'd just support me, and be there for me. but no.
He wanted to know something, and in all honesty I don't see why he should be bothered, his exact words were "I don't care". So I assumed he'd still be there. So I told him. WOW! he massively lost it over it, and decided we are no longer friends.
Now he sent me a message saying he cares, he really cares about me. But if he really cared, he'd understand, he'd be there. He'd be the friend I thought he was.
I think the message here is, don't go on first impressions, sometimes they aren't always right. But then sometimes they are, I try to go on my second meeting...
I miss this guy, but until he grows up...I don't really want to go through more hurt with him.. no thanks....
I had one of those moments today. I got this message from a friend that I haven't actually spoken to in a while. Now, this situation requires a little bit of explanation, I once thought this guy was so amazing, I thought he was my best ever friend, and that no matter what happened, he'd be there. But no. Clearly I as wrong. Now as a best friend I made the rather stupid assumption that he would always be there, that if I made a decision to do something that I enjoyed and made me happy, he'd just support me, and be there for me. but no.
He wanted to know something, and in all honesty I don't see why he should be bothered, his exact words were "I don't care". So I assumed he'd still be there. So I told him. WOW! he massively lost it over it, and decided we are no longer friends.
Now he sent me a message saying he cares, he really cares about me. But if he really cared, he'd understand, he'd be there. He'd be the friend I thought he was.
I think the message here is, don't go on first impressions, sometimes they aren't always right. But then sometimes they are, I try to go on my second meeting...
I miss this guy, but until he grows up...I don't really want to go through more hurt with him.. no thanks....
Sunday 24 June 2012
Enjoy it while you can...
This is my second blog of the day, but hey, I'm enjoy it at the moment. And I haven't blogged properly in a while.
So! This weekend I saw my non-biological sister! I haven't seen her in so long, and I've really missed her. So when she turned up yesterday...WOW. It was amazing to talk and gossip and catch up; and have those amazing girly chats.... I love this woman! :P
She agreed with me about what I've said in the previous blog...
But anyway...I've been thinking since I got home, and I've come to the conclusion that in the grand scheme of things there is always some one better. There always will be. And if one was to look at things in this way, any human life is insignificant in the grand scheme. But we, as people, think about things, care about things and develop feelings for one another interpersonally, that in itself makes everything significant. Even the things, that we maybe don't want to acknowledge or believe in. As I sit here, writing this, knowing no-one reads it and watching 102 dalmatians, I can see how good life is. how nice it is to just sit and relax...How good it is, to just not think and keep a good mood. I woke up this morning with a smile on my face, and that smile hasn't left..Although I have the weirdest feeling that around 10 tonight..the smile will fade and I'll go back to listening to the same thing over and over again.. But for now..enjoy the smile..From now on..I'm going to savour every single smile, every single laugh...Life is only as good as you make it..I plan on making the most of it...
I think I'm going to stop now...I'm in need of tea and chocolate! ^_^ <3
So! This weekend I saw my non-biological sister! I haven't seen her in so long, and I've really missed her. So when she turned up yesterday...WOW. It was amazing to talk and gossip and catch up; and have those amazing girly chats.... I love this woman! :P
She agreed with me about what I've said in the previous blog...
But anyway...I've been thinking since I got home, and I've come to the conclusion that in the grand scheme of things there is always some one better. There always will be. And if one was to look at things in this way, any human life is insignificant in the grand scheme. But we, as people, think about things, care about things and develop feelings for one another interpersonally, that in itself makes everything significant. Even the things, that we maybe don't want to acknowledge or believe in. As I sit here, writing this, knowing no-one reads it and watching 102 dalmatians, I can see how good life is. how nice it is to just sit and relax...How good it is, to just not think and keep a good mood. I woke up this morning with a smile on my face, and that smile hasn't left..Although I have the weirdest feeling that around 10 tonight..the smile will fade and I'll go back to listening to the same thing over and over again.. But for now..enjoy the smile..From now on..I'm going to savour every single smile, every single laugh...Life is only as good as you make it..I plan on making the most of it...
I think I'm going to stop now...I'm in need of tea and chocolate! ^_^ <3
Thing's you'll never say...
hi...
Do you ever get that feeling that you need to tell someone something...you need to tell them what thoughts are circling around and around in your head because it's about them..But you just can't...you can't. Because if you do..you ruin everything... Everything sucks. And the few things in life that make you wake up and smile..they vanish. They just go.
I have that feeling right now. There's so much in my head that I want...need to tell someone, but I can't. It wouldn't be worth ruining everything we share at the moment. We have fun, and we enjoy what we have. But I really like this guy. I really do. But I can't tell him how much he actually means to me, he's such a good friend to have, .I can't ruin this. I'm just trying to enjoy it and enjoy this moment, enjoy what we have. I'm not going to put "all my eggs in one basket"...and I know this may not work.. it probably won't but is it so wrong for me to think of what it would be like if it did?
I'd really like it too... And I can't explain why but I miss him like mad! It's insane.
I know that right now I must sound like an infatuated little girl..And I wouldn't blame you for thinking so..
But he is a really really nice guy. He's gorgeous, inside and out. When I'm with him I just feel...happy..I feel...attractive for once, I wake up and I don't feel massively gross...
I just don't know what to tell him.. I want to tell him all these things...but I can't...I just can't ....
<3
Do you ever get that feeling that you need to tell someone something...you need to tell them what thoughts are circling around and around in your head because it's about them..But you just can't...you can't. Because if you do..you ruin everything... Everything sucks. And the few things in life that make you wake up and smile..they vanish. They just go.
I have that feeling right now. There's so much in my head that I want...need to tell someone, but I can't. It wouldn't be worth ruining everything we share at the moment. We have fun, and we enjoy what we have. But I really like this guy. I really do. But I can't tell him how much he actually means to me, he's such a good friend to have, .I can't ruin this. I'm just trying to enjoy it and enjoy this moment, enjoy what we have. I'm not going to put "all my eggs in one basket"...and I know this may not work.. it probably won't but is it so wrong for me to think of what it would be like if it did?
I'd really like it too... And I can't explain why but I miss him like mad! It's insane.
I know that right now I must sound like an infatuated little girl..And I wouldn't blame you for thinking so..
But he is a really really nice guy. He's gorgeous, inside and out. When I'm with him I just feel...happy..I feel...attractive for once, I wake up and I don't feel massively gross...
I just don't know what to tell him.. I want to tell him all these things...but I can't...I just can't ....
<3
Thursday 3 May 2012
Little Things...
So.. I haven't written in a while. But now seems as good a time as any...
The last 8 months haven't been easy for me...but a lot of people have shit times.. Some things are being fixed, some are still open wounds...
But then..nothing in life ever comes easy..you have to fight for what you want..
A few months ago I made a really big mistake.. I've made a lot of them lately in all honesty. Sometimes you can't fix the mistakes you make...but sometime's you can. And if you can, fix them, change it...
Moving on to a different topic that I need to talk about..
I recently lost someone that means the world to me..and I don't know when I'm going to see him again and I don't know if he's going to be here when I have my surgery done..but I want him there, I need him there..He's happy now and I don't want to get in the way of that..but I miss him so much..I really miss him..I'd give almost anything for him to be here, and give me a hug and tell me everything's okay.
I talk to him some times, but sometimes a phone just isn't good enough.. I need him..I really do..
He would never lie to me, and he told me the other day that my self hatred was unjustified...but why is it?
I'm not good enough. I know that. Everyone else knows that. I don't even think I'm good enough for myself any more....And that makes it just a little bit hard to look in the mirror every morning....just a bit...
One day I'll read all these blogs and stupid entries and laugh and realise how much of a little girl I'm being..But right now...I don't care..I just want to be sure that all the effort I'm putting into my life is justifiably worth it...Is it enough?
<3
The last 8 months haven't been easy for me...but a lot of people have shit times.. Some things are being fixed, some are still open wounds...
But then..nothing in life ever comes easy..you have to fight for what you want..
A few months ago I made a really big mistake.. I've made a lot of them lately in all honesty. Sometimes you can't fix the mistakes you make...but sometime's you can. And if you can, fix them, change it...
Moving on to a different topic that I need to talk about..
I recently lost someone that means the world to me..and I don't know when I'm going to see him again and I don't know if he's going to be here when I have my surgery done..but I want him there, I need him there..He's happy now and I don't want to get in the way of that..but I miss him so much..I really miss him..I'd give almost anything for him to be here, and give me a hug and tell me everything's okay.
I talk to him some times, but sometimes a phone just isn't good enough.. I need him..I really do..
He would never lie to me, and he told me the other day that my self hatred was unjustified...but why is it?
I'm not good enough. I know that. Everyone else knows that. I don't even think I'm good enough for myself any more....And that makes it just a little bit hard to look in the mirror every morning....just a bit...
One day I'll read all these blogs and stupid entries and laugh and realise how much of a little girl I'm being..But right now...I don't care..I just want to be sure that all the effort I'm putting into my life is justifiably worth it...Is it enough?
<3
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Just need to say this...
Okay, so to put it blunty I'm fed up..
Fed up of being told when I can't and can't see people or say things. I'm fed up of doing the wrong thing all the time.. Genuinely feels like I can't do anything right...
I try my hardest and no-one seems to care.. Well not the people that should anyway... there are a few exceptions but there;'s one specific person that should, and they don't..
No-one seemed to care that I sat at the bus stop and just burst into tears for no reason.. or the fact that I wasn't in a good mood.. or that I was 'grumpy'. In all honesty I'm just fed up, and I've had enough.
I'm fed up of everything being my fault.... I always get the blame for everything, even if I haven't done or said anything...
Why? Why is it always my fault? just because I'm not a pretty little girl in pink? Well sorry but pink isn't my colour and what I wear shouldn't be a judge of character.. I can't help that I don't like fitting in or blending with the crowd.. I can't..
There are only a few people on this planet that make me happy, and I really want to see one of them, because even though there is no reason to I miss him, I miss him a lot.. And in all honesty I just really want him to hug me and do what he always does... make me smile.. and make me laugh, but no. not tonight..
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.. how am I supposed to fix myself...I'm actually crying whilst writing this for no reason... its so frustrating not knowing why!!
I've had enough of always being the problem...
Fed up of being told when I can't and can't see people or say things. I'm fed up of doing the wrong thing all the time.. Genuinely feels like I can't do anything right...
I try my hardest and no-one seems to care.. Well not the people that should anyway... there are a few exceptions but there;'s one specific person that should, and they don't..
No-one seemed to care that I sat at the bus stop and just burst into tears for no reason.. or the fact that I wasn't in a good mood.. or that I was 'grumpy'. In all honesty I'm just fed up, and I've had enough.
I'm fed up of everything being my fault.... I always get the blame for everything, even if I haven't done or said anything...
Why? Why is it always my fault? just because I'm not a pretty little girl in pink? Well sorry but pink isn't my colour and what I wear shouldn't be a judge of character.. I can't help that I don't like fitting in or blending with the crowd.. I can't..
There are only a few people on this planet that make me happy, and I really want to see one of them, because even though there is no reason to I miss him, I miss him a lot.. And in all honesty I just really want him to hug me and do what he always does... make me smile.. and make me laugh, but no. not tonight..
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.. how am I supposed to fix myself...I'm actually crying whilst writing this for no reason... its so frustrating not knowing why!!
I've had enough of always being the problem...
Thursday 19 January 2012
Song of the day.
I cannot hide what's on my mind
I feel it burning deep inside
A passion crime to take what's mine
Let us start living for today
Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song
My outlaw eyes have seen their lies
I choke on all they had to say
When worlds collide what's left inside
I hold on tight and hear you pray
Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song
Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom
(Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom)
Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song <3
I feel it burning deep inside
A passion crime to take what's mine
Let us start living for today
Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song
My outlaw eyes have seen their lies
I choke on all they had to say
When worlds collide what's left inside
I hold on tight and hear you pray
Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song
Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom
(Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom)
Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song
So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song <3
Wednesday 18 January 2012
general changes
hmm... lately a lot has happend. Things that have mostly been beyond my control. But that can't be helped..
So one of my best friends has decided to be an arse, but I guess it's not entirely his fault. He started several arguments, and because I didn't want to make these arguments worse, I just stopped talking to him for a few days... Maybe that was the entirely wrong thing to do, but I did it.. And it's one of those things you can't take back.. But anyway, he then started talking to me the other day, amd he told me since started dating this guy, I've changed. He then procceeded to say "talk to me when the old you is back" but that's the problem.. I haven't changed or become a whole new person.. I've just grown up. And since I've been with this guy,I'm happy. Really happy. And I don't want that to change..
What really does annoy me is when people tell you that you've changed..when in actual fact you haven't, you've just out grown being that childish person you once were in school. But do people ever stop to think that it's actually them that have changed? no. they don't, because they're too eager to place the blame on everyone else..
I can't help being happy.. I quite like being happy and comfortable with someone, and wanting to see them aaaaalll the time. I like this feeling, & I don't want that feeling to go away. <3 <3 <3
Theme song for me at the moment; We are in the crowd - Rumour Mill! <3 <3
So one of my best friends has decided to be an arse, but I guess it's not entirely his fault. He started several arguments, and because I didn't want to make these arguments worse, I just stopped talking to him for a few days... Maybe that was the entirely wrong thing to do, but I did it.. And it's one of those things you can't take back.. But anyway, he then started talking to me the other day, amd he told me since started dating this guy, I've changed. He then procceeded to say "talk to me when the old you is back" but that's the problem.. I haven't changed or become a whole new person.. I've just grown up. And since I've been with this guy,I'm happy. Really happy. And I don't want that to change..
What really does annoy me is when people tell you that you've changed..when in actual fact you haven't, you've just out grown being that childish person you once were in school. But do people ever stop to think that it's actually them that have changed? no. they don't, because they're too eager to place the blame on everyone else..
I can't help being happy.. I quite like being happy and comfortable with someone, and wanting to see them aaaaalll the time. I like this feeling, & I don't want that feeling to go away. <3 <3 <3
Theme song for me at the moment; We are in the crowd - Rumour Mill! <3 <3
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